and there's more Christmas One Liners from Will and Hugh again

Christmas Quotes:

'Merry Christmas, Nearly Everybody!' Ogden Nash

'Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveller back to his own fireside and quiet home!' Charles Dickens

'Love came down at Christmas; Love all lovely, love divine; Love was born at Christmas, Stars and angels gave the sign.' Christina Rossetti

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
Just like the ones I used to know,
Where the tree tops glisten
And children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow.
Irving Berlin

'I heard the bells on Christmas Day. Their old familiar carols play. And wild and sweet the words repeat. Of peace on earth goodwill to men.' Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Woman Jokes - One Liners

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'

'I never know how much of what I say is true.' Bette Midler

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted' . Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

'It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.' Tallulah Bankhead