Friday, September 5, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Charity begins at home? Will and Hugh Joke du Jour
A large, well built man visited the vicarage and asked to see the vicar's wife, who was well known for her charity.
As he spoke to her he said in a voice breaking with emotion, 'I'd like to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned out into the cold streets unless someone pays their £400 rent arrears.'
'How frightful!' exclaimed the vicar's wife. 'May I ask who you are?'
The enormous visitor wiped his eyes with his handkerchief and wailed, 'I'm their landlord.'
=========================================================
What religion are you?
After the Baptism of his baby brother in church, little Denis sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, Denis replied, 'That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys.'
=================================================================
As he spoke to her he said in a voice breaking with emotion, 'I'd like to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned out into the cold streets unless someone pays their £400 rent arrears.'
'How frightful!' exclaimed the vicar's wife. 'May I ask who you are?'
The enormous visitor wiped his eyes with his handkerchief and wailed, 'I'm their landlord.'
=========================================================
What religion are you?
After the Baptism of his baby brother in church, little Denis sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, Denis replied, 'That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys.'
=================================================================
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
More Laughs From Will and Guy
The Secret of a Happy Marriage - From R.Hynes of Mornington
My wife and I have the secret to making the marriage last...
Twice a week we go to a nice restaurant, have some good food, a little wine and companionship. She goes Tuesday and I go Friday. We sleep in separate beds, hers in Sydney and mine in Melbourne.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked her where she wanted to go for our anniversary, 'Somewhere I haven't been for a long time' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, an electric toaster and an electric bread maker. When she said that she had too many gadgets but nowhere to sit down. I bought her an electric chair.
Remember that marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically 100% of all divorces started with marriage. I married Ms. Right, I just didn't know that her first name was ALWAYS.
I haven't spoken to her in 18 months now - I don't like to interrupt her. The last time we had a fight, it was my fault. She asked 'What is on the TV?' I said 'It looks like Dust'.
In the beginning; God created the earth and rested. Then God, created the man and rested. Then God created woman. And since then neither God nor man has rested.
Arresting time - OOOPS
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
'But officer, 'the man began, 'I can explain.'
'Quiet!' snapped the officer.' I'm going to let you spend the night in jail until the chief gets back.'
'But, officer, I just wanted to say, '
'And I said be quiet! you're going to jail!'
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, 'Lucky for you, the chief's at his daughter's wedding. he'll be in a good mood when he gets back.'
'Don't count on it, 'answered the guy in the cell.' I'm the groom!.'
Bride was a Picture
A Texan woman had a wedding cake made into a life-sized model of herself. Chidi Ogbuta, 35, had the 5ft cake made to renew her vows after 10 years of marriage to husband Innocent.
The £3,000 cake took five weeks to make, needed two gallons of amaretto, 50lbs of sugar, 200 eggs and weighed a whopping 400lb.
It needed four men to lift it into the wedding venue!
My wife and I have the secret to making the marriage last...
Twice a week we go to a nice restaurant, have some good food, a little wine and companionship. She goes Tuesday and I go Friday. We sleep in separate beds, hers in Sydney and mine in Melbourne.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked her where she wanted to go for our anniversary, 'Somewhere I haven't been for a long time' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, an electric toaster and an electric bread maker. When she said that she had too many gadgets but nowhere to sit down. I bought her an electric chair.
Remember that marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically 100% of all divorces started with marriage. I married Ms. Right, I just didn't know that her first name was ALWAYS.
I haven't spoken to her in 18 months now - I don't like to interrupt her. The last time we had a fight, it was my fault. She asked 'What is on the TV?' I said 'It looks like Dust'.
In the beginning; God created the earth and rested. Then God, created the man and rested. Then God created woman. And since then neither God nor man has rested.
Arresting time - OOOPS
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
'But officer, 'the man began, 'I can explain.'
'Quiet!' snapped the officer.' I'm going to let you spend the night in jail until the chief gets back.'
'But, officer, I just wanted to say, '
'And I said be quiet! you're going to jail!'
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, 'Lucky for you, the chief's at his daughter's wedding. he'll be in a good mood when he gets back.'
'Don't count on it, 'answered the guy in the cell.' I'm the groom!.'
Bride was a Picture
A Texan woman had a wedding cake made into a life-sized model of herself. Chidi Ogbuta, 35, had the 5ft cake made to renew her vows after 10 years of marriage to husband Innocent.
The £3,000 cake took five weeks to make, needed two gallons of amaretto, 50lbs of sugar, 200 eggs and weighed a whopping 400lb.
It needed four men to lift it into the wedding venue!
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